What to do?

[Readers Discretion: I wrote this after 14 hours of work at 12am; I just wanna get my feelings out. I don't plan on going back and reading this because your first instinct is usually the right one]

I am, without a doubt at a loss with you.

I get it, you're hurt because you felt threatened. You thought that someone could of stole me from you. I get it. What I don't get is how you never believed me when I said, "Not to worry". When I said that, you did the complete opposite. In fact you did the complete opposite and worse.

I can't think of a single part of my body that doesn't love you to death, none. I don't understand why you won't try, I really don't. I don't get why I'm completely giving my undivided attention to appease you so that you won't just get up and leave. I don't get why I'm not looking out after my happiness rather looking out for yours. And while all this is well and good it doesn't help that there is 0 effort coming from your end. 0. So why the heck am I even trying?

You were so worried about the other guy, the enemy, which was a waste of time given that you are you're worst enemy. Instead of focusing on yourself you were too busy hating and threatening the other person.

Maybe it's time that you and I just call it quits. I'm tired of giving in all this effort when all of it is just going to waste. I want to see what the future holds for us but if you're not going to try then neither am I.

I already thought I was going to lose just a year ago and it wasn't necessarily the easiest thing to overcome but now I have something going good for me enough to distract me. I love my job, I love where I work, I'm potentially moving out in 3 weeks, I have amazing friends & a loving family... I think that's all I need right now.

I want you in my life, but if you're going to keep yourself at a distant that I can't reach you and you're not going to try and reach back, then forget it.

I know that I'm not easiest to work with, but at least I'm trying.

I've got so much stuff going on in my mind.. I don't know what to do. I just want to be happy.

Will I be okay without you?