Dear 25 Year Old Me,

Seeing that my 21st birthday is around the corner (in exactly one week) ending my first year as an adult, last night I decided to write a letter to my future self, to 25 year old Krislam. I would of never guessed that I'd be where I'm at today... Never in my dreams did I think I would of accomplished so much before my 21st. It's crazy where life takes you... where your motivation will take you...where your dreams can take you. I'm happy and extremely grateful. So I wrote this letter telling future me that if I'm able to get where I am now at this age I BETTER be doing bigger and better things in 4 years, LOL. I'm excited to see where life will take me... and I'm so ready for the challenges :]

I'll be opening the letter on October 3, 2016. Hopefully by that time I would of fulfilled my goals and more!

I also enclosed a photo of me holding the letter so that 25 year old me can laugh at the way I look. Knowing me I'm probably going to say, "I can't believe my hair is orange"

:P

Until then ^_^

21st Birthday Present to Myself! | I moved to Downtown LA!

You read right! Remember when I posted that I wanted a place of my own before my 21st and that if it happened I'd be set?! Well HERE IT IS ! :D

Yeeee-yeaaa :) 

Long story short, after a 3 month search I finally found roomates and a place to live in the city that I love! I’m currently typing this on Word because I don’t know when I’m going to get internet so by the time I get this on the web it would probably already be one week in. I guess I could just publish it at work but that’s no fun, so I shall wait. 3 days ago I signed my first lease for a studio/loft in Downtown LA with two amazing roomies! Words can’t express just how thankful and blessed I am to be able to do this. I’m hoping this is the start of many more adventures. It’s crazy to think that just a year ago I just graduated and was just starting off my career and now I’m living on my own, who would of thought? Apart from my wallet getting tighter I’m really happy with my move, it also helps because just 3 months ago I almost settled for an apartment nowhere near the heart of downtown so I’m so glad fate guided me here. 

It's been 2 days since I wrote that small paragraph and now I'm at Syrup gettin' my snack on while I abuse the crap out of their wifi, haha! Guess I should start where I left off at --

But yea, it's been almost a full week since move in and I'm still in shock that I live here now x] For some reason it still hasn't hit me yet, one week I'm looking at the skyline from the Metrolink and now I can stand from the rooftop and look at it from there, it's amazing and truly a blessing. 

I could go on and on about how thankful and happy I am but let's just leave it at that... 

Thank you to everyone that has supported me for the last 3.5 years :) I love you all <3

Dear future Krislam, keep kicking ass and chasing your dream!

Love, 

Present me

All I want for my birthday...

Turning the big 2-1 in a few weeks and apart from my wish list (that contains only 2 things: lunch bag from CB2 & new boots for Winter), all I really want is to move out. If Saturday goes super well and I sign a lease in the city that I love anytime before I turn 21, I will be the happiest person alive. I don't mean to toot my own horn but if that possibility were to come true I could say that before I turned into a full grown up (given that 21 is full grown up since now I can drink! haha) I have accomplished:

1. Kicking ass in school.
2. Graduating (& with honors).
3. Leaving Aeropostale (after 3 years) and moving onto Nordstrom.
4. Started my career in my field. 
5. Completely separated myself financially from my parents.
6. Given back to my parents.
7. Survived a terrible accident. 
8. Bought my first car on my own.
9. Moved out on my own (with roomies).

I'm crossing my fingers that Saturday will go well! This would mean the absolute world to me! I'm so excited to start a new chapter in life. After moving out and settling in, I will make a pact with myself to hit the books hard and practice design -- art in general -- a helluva lot more! And maybe hopefully after some years of experience dabble back into school. We'll see!! Totally excited!

I hope I didn't jinx myself.

But honestly, I hope in 2 weeks I'm going to be back here posting about my new place with my new roomies! Wish us luck!

What to do?

[Readers Discretion: I wrote this after 14 hours of work at 12am; I just wanna get my feelings out. I don't plan on going back and reading this because your first instinct is usually the right one]

I am, without a doubt at a loss with you.

I get it, you're hurt because you felt threatened. You thought that someone could of stole me from you. I get it. What I don't get is how you never believed me when I said, "Not to worry". When I said that, you did the complete opposite. In fact you did the complete opposite and worse.

I can't think of a single part of my body that doesn't love you to death, none. I don't understand why you won't try, I really don't. I don't get why I'm completely giving my undivided attention to appease you so that you won't just get up and leave. I don't get why I'm not looking out after my happiness rather looking out for yours. And while all this is well and good it doesn't help that there is 0 effort coming from your end. 0. So why the heck am I even trying?

You were so worried about the other guy, the enemy, which was a waste of time given that you are you're worst enemy. Instead of focusing on yourself you were too busy hating and threatening the other person.

Maybe it's time that you and I just call it quits. I'm tired of giving in all this effort when all of it is just going to waste. I want to see what the future holds for us but if you're not going to try then neither am I.

I already thought I was going to lose just a year ago and it wasn't necessarily the easiest thing to overcome but now I have something going good for me enough to distract me. I love my job, I love where I work, I'm potentially moving out in 3 weeks, I have amazing friends & a loving family... I think that's all I need right now.

I want you in my life, but if you're going to keep yourself at a distant that I can't reach you and you're not going to try and reach back, then forget it.

I know that I'm not easiest to work with, but at least I'm trying.

I've got so much stuff going on in my mind.. I don't know what to do. I just want to be happy.

Will I be okay without you?