Second Quarter

Oh boy. I just wanted to take sometime to reflect on how second quarter of 2014 was for me. And boy, was it...lack of a better word, exhausting.

I think it mostly had to do a lot with the new medication and new lifestyle change. I admit, I wasn't pushing hard enough mainly because of my current living situation, my medicine & just the amount of stress that I'm putting on myself about other things. I really took April - June as a time for me to just slow down and take a breather. But sometimes I feel guilty. I feel like I'm wasting time if I'm not actively creating something. But I'm trying really hard not to feel that way because I know that we need breaks sometimes. I just, oh I don't know, I just wasn't very creative this month and it kinda sucks. 50% of it was due to changes and 50% was me just not executing.

Anyways, I can sit here and mope around how much I should of been this...should of done that...but fact is, there were changes that reflected over onto my life and it was hard getting used to it. I hope and pray that this coming Fall things will be better.

That's my vent. Don't wanna dwell too much on it.

Alrighty Future Krislam, let's make Fall 2014/Winter 2015 amazing! Yes? Yes.

:)

Excitement Beyond All Reason!

Yes, indeedy. I am in fact pinning inspiration for my little corner in August. I think I'm more excited about the fact that I just get to be in a new spot. Nevermind the fact that I get to be in the same place as my boyfriend, LOL! August couldn't come any sooner... I say that now, but watch mid July I'm going to lose my mind...

Ah :)

I know it's a little corner, but might as well make the most of it!

I'm being super cheesey!

Big Steps: Krislam moves to The Creation Station!

You read that right! I am saying farewell to 323 and saying hello to The Creation Station. It's been quite the discussion between le beau and myself and we have finally come to the conclusion of living together. What a big step right? RIGHT?! It's crazy. We will be living at his current place as well as housing a 3rd roomie, Michelle. It's going to be an insane transition for me and I know that Jay and I are both nervous as hell, but I am trying to be as optimistic as possible. This move will take place by the end of this month. My new lease will be overlapping with my soon to be expiring current lease. Meaning, I'll have two active leases x_x eeek! But I see it as a blessing. Granted, Jay only lives two floors down but with such a long window this assures me that I can easily transition to his place and not put everything in a bag and move downstairs. Woo! 1 month to go... Got lots to prepare for :)

Wish Jay and I goodluck! Hopefully we don't kill each other :p

Post Month - First Month

I used to log in my daily thoughts when I started my new meds, but I found it completely exhausting writing the same thing day after day thinking there wouldn’t be an end to “still feeling incredibly sick…”

To my surprise, my ill filled weeks turned into seemingly normal days. Whatever “normal” meant. The side effects subsided and I suppose the medicine has finally found a resting place in my inner-workings. 

The biggest difference? I’m less frazzled. I don’t freak out. I don’t get anxious. I finally found the courage to drive at night. It took about 2 years of denial & a stubborn attitude to finally get behind the wheel and not feel like every single nerve in my body was going to explode. I like that. I like that a lot. 

But what did I have to give up in exchange for a peaceful and neutralized mind? I use this ever so lightly, but I suppose you may say, my happiness. The drive to be happy, to be excited…to be anything but neutral or sad. I haven’t been able to design the way I used to. I simply do it now for the sake of my job, but I have no will to to sit down and channel in my inner designer. It could be the fact that I am no longer happy at my home and the frustrations that carry at my place spills in with my medication leaving me utterly exhausted. 

I am completely debilitated. 

My body has never felt so defeated in my life. Granted, I am still pushing as hard as I can at the gym and maintaining a healthy life, but apart from all that, I’m still very beat. 

I exercise happiness through my family, friends, and boyfriend. I try to stray away from being fully conscious of the fact that there’s this little tiny bit of medication in me trying to strip away any sort of excitement I may want to feel.

I know that it will pass. I know that I’ll regain my normal self and design my heart away. I know that in two months I’ll be able to call my next home, “home” and I know that in my new home, I’ll be able to get away from any extra frustrations my medication and life may give me and just be myself. 

On a much different note (but rather tangent)

I feel like I owe the world to my boyfriend, who has since day one of this entirely new life of mine, has been extremely supportive & helpful. I find comfort whenever I’m around him because anywhere else I find stress and frustration. I hope he doesn’t ever think that I am simply attempting to stay by his side to feed the “needy” side of me. I never plan to be a burden and I hate that I feel that I am. But I know he’ll never think that way of me. But still, I feel terrible. Thank you for putting up with me.

I’d like my normal self back. But more importantly, I’d like to be able to sleep a full nights sleep. 

Cheers to 5 more months on this medication. Cheers to a better life. If only it didn’t suck so much getting there. 

Braces...Do Over!

Hey World (and future me)! I got braces…again!

I originally had braces from 2005 - late 2008, so well over 2.5 years. So a lot of people have been raising the question “*le gasp* Krislam! Your teeth were already straight! Why did you get them again?!” 

Two answers…

When I was younger, my orthodontist apparently dismissed to inform my parents that I would need extra work done on my teeth because I have two tiny little on each side of my two big teeth that causes the rest of my teeth to shift over. Instead of filling them in they just squished them together. So now, we’re basically giving space on each side to fill them in so I don’t look so dorky anymore. Project bye bye toothy!

I also neglected to wear my retainers when I got my braces off so my teeth just started dancing all over the place and that’s a huge no no. Oh annnd my top K9 was hitting the bottom neighbor tooth and that started to hurt, so also a no no.

At the end of the day, it’s a personal preference. I care a lot about my smile so re-investing in my teeth is something I’ve been wanting to do, and what a better time than now! :) So going into 23 avec braces then 15 months later, 24 sans braces! 

It’s only 15 months, it’s going to by so quick. So I’ll look hideous now… but just you wait until 15 months :) *cheeeeeese* 

A Girl and her Waffles!

I created my first animation on After Effects! :) 

Le beau was able to put it on my laptop and I was too freakin excited to explore it. Thankfully I found a Skillshare class that had something for beginners and here it is!! The fact that her head is on and there aren’t any limbs disappearing mid animation really makes me smile! :) 

Going to explore the program and a little more and see what it has to offer, but for now, I am quite the happy designer! 

And yes, I know that he legs aren’t really connected to her body. To be honest, I’m missing a few details (her leg shadow and boots). I was biting off more than I can chew so I took a step back. 

YAY :) 

And yes, that is a waffle in my hand! duh

Downtown Los Angeles -- My Life

A place where I watched my dad drive a gigantic bus around DTLA where I fell in love with everything about it, the good and the ugly. It's a place where I got my education and found my passion. A place where I started my career to follow my dreams. A place that I eventually called my home. No matter who and what I love, there will always be a place in my heart for this city, my city. || Photo Credit: Martin Murillo (Thank You SO. MUCH.)